This one is for you...

I moved here almost 4 years ago. I was getting out of a bad situation. My marriage had fallen apart. I was working as a contractor for the government. I couldn't earn enough to survive, but made too much to get any form of assistance. X started causing more issues. X's mom started causing issues...hell even X's gf joined in on the fun.

It was just a bad situation.

X wasn't abusive. I want to reiterate that. He never hit me. He used his words...or lack there of to cause pain. I lost myself when I was with him. Trying so hard to fit into the mold that he wanted me to...or i thought he wanted me to...that I lost who i was. I can't blame him for that. He didn't force me into anything. I did that on my own...I allowed that to happen.

Never let someone tell you your worth.

That wasn't really supposed to be the point of this post...it was the background for this tidbit...

when I left I got a job as far away from X as I could get. Across oceans almost. And I went there knowing that I couldn't fail...i had no back up plan. i had to make this work...so I did. I worked at a little start up in a huge city all by myself. Just Sunny and Me...

well and my sister and niece for about 5 months before they picked up and moved back home...but that's another story...

and I worked for a firm that treated me just like X....i worked night and day and weekends and holidays anything and everything because I knew that I could NOT fail. It was not an option....

oh the stories I have there. The Thanksgiving where I worked all night, the day my coworker took me in a background and hit me, the phone calls from the partners telling me how i couldn't do anything right, the constant threat that I could be replaced and I would be out on own...

and I stayed...because there were no other options.

and after a year of that I got a job offer at a larger firm....and a little more freedom and I started to realize I was marketable and smart and fast....and then a man walked in and tried to pull the same shit...

I sat down for my yearly evaluation and listened as the office manager read his comments where he said i was rude and unwilling to communicate and worked like i just wanted to go home...

he tore down my character piece by piece...

and for the first time ever....i fought back. I didn't put up with it. I took a stand i told them that it wasn't true and I proved it...and then i found somewhere better and I left.

This wasn't meant to be a depressing post.

I'm really writing because today it's over. That firm. That X-firm...today they're closing. They're closing their door and never opening it again.

and not that i ever wish ill will on anyone...but i have to admit...that i'm smiling a little.

So this is for you

it was fun

...until it wasn't

-buh bye